Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Have you ever had one of those moments where something absolutely insane/stupid/embarrassing (whichever) you did years go randomly pops up into your mind? As I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast this afternoon, I remember something that I did in 7th grade that was so insanely stupid, it made me cringe when it resurfaced in my mind 14 years later. So without further ado...
I'm walkin through the halls of Roosevelt Middle School with my buddy Jerry (my old man called him Caligula), on our way to English class, taught by this fat teacher whose name has escaped me for some reason (subconsciously i've buried those years as deeply as possible). Before we walk into the class, i notice that ole boy isn't present. So, with a class full of twelve year old onlookers, I thought to myself "Wouldn't it be a great idea to run and dive across the teachers desk?!?" I remember my brains specifically telling me at that moment that this would be the greatest idea of all time. Without hesitation, I backed up as far as I could and sprinted toward this poor guys desk and dove head first, sending every piece of paper/material/matter off his desk, showering the entire room. When I landed on the ground I realized that this was probably the dumbest thing I had done in my life up to this point. I scrambled to my feet, and with the help of Caligula, gathered as much shit back on top of the desk as we could and made it as neat as possible. Believe it or not, ole boy never noticed that his lesson plans, and his other life's work, had been completely shit on by some ass-head 12 year old with undiagnosed attention issues. I never got in trouble for what I did, and I always wonder what the punishment would have been not only from the school, but more importantly from my father. The moral of the story... don't eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.