Monday, December 28, 2009

YES WE CAN!


Sooo tonight I thought long and hard about shutting down the blog... Why you ask? Well, because I'm really putting myself out there in revealing my inner workings; and more importantly,I dont think anybody reads this shit. Because of these things, I've realized that the only way the blog can sustain itself is to become a living, breathing thing. The blog must not be a reflection of whats going on in my head, but its gotta be a vehicle for the people closest to me to tell the world a little bit about themselves. Lets make this thing an open forum, a place where we can debate, argue, and call out whomever and whatever for all the world to see. The blog can be an online mediator of sorts where readers will be able to take sides interactively on age old or new age arguments that take place in every living room or beer pong room around the country. So lets get involved people and take this thing to another level. And if this doesn't take off, well I already have one finger on the "Delete All" button.

Cue the rocky theme song!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Back From The Holidays


I apologize for being away for so long (as if any of you care), and I will use the holiday season as my excuse for my laziness. Not much has happened over the past couple of days... oh yeah there was that whole Christmas thing. Lots of people I work with and other friends of mine ask me what I do on Christmas and I always respond with the same thing...wait to my parents leave the house and then look at porn. That of course is a joke, I don't need them to leave the house. On a serious note(its obvious that I haven't gotten any more mature during the past week or so) Christmas for Jews really sucks. Its not that we feel left out with all the gift giving and holiday cheer, its just the fact that not a god damn thing is open on Christmas Day. In fact, the whole world shuts down and you realize at that moment how the non-celebrators are truly in the minority. But since you guys asked, Ill tell you what i did

- Woke up around 12 and I brushed my teeth
- Ate some breakfast
- Found a day pass for the JCC and used it to shoot some hoops
- Played guitar....still shitty
- Went on Facebook 112 times
- Spent the rest of my night eating as there really was nothing else to do
- Slept

So, there ya go, that's how I spent my Christmas, and every second of it sucked. All of you who are reading this owe me one day of life. I will accept payments in the form of money or gift certificates to the Short Hills Mall.

Now that Christmas is over with, our attention is now squarely focused on New Years. This holiday ranks up there with Valentines Day as the biggest man made crock of shit. Everyone gets wasted, kisses a stranger, calls their parents, and gets a hangover. At the end of the day, absolutely nothing has changed other than the fact that its a year later and you will be post dating your checks not because you are a scum bag, but because you can honestly no longer remember what year we are in. I apologize for my cynicism toward the holiday season, and I plan on fixing this problem by making a new years resolution to become more positive!!! TSGOT will follow this story up with pre and post new years coverage, so stay tuned people

:)

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Just Call Me Roger Ebert Rubin


Before I start this post i just wanna let you all know that the Jizz in my Pants video is hysterical.... onward!

Soooooo I saww the blindside...Annnnddd it sucked. That's right, the much hyped, much applauded "Blind Side" would have been much more enjoyable if in fact I was blind. The movie is about Michael Oher, the Left Tackle for the Baltimore Ravens, who overcame lots of adversity to become not only an NFL player, but a college graduate more importantly.
In my honest opinion the movie should have been called... "How Fuckin Hot is Sandra Bullock When She Dresses Up Like White Trash!" Yep that's right, Sandra Bullock is the only thing in the movie worth seeing. I hope another uneducated, mistreated, obese youth comes along to overcome insurmountable odds if it meant Sandra Bullock could play his or her surrogate mother. If this movie is in fact in the works, then let me purchase my tickets now and sit outside a Loew's theater like a Star Wars junky before opening night.
My advice to you, wait until the dvd comes out, and whatever ya do, don't make a date night out of it. Instead, go see something that guarantees to please, such as "Avatar"...or "Space Balls" if in fact you make it a Blockbuster night.

Ciao

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Price of Good "H"


I'm not sure if its a Jewish thing (I don't think it is), but when I was growing up I never went to a barber. In fact, when I thought of what a barber would look like, it resembled Eddie Murphy In "Coming to America." As a youth, my hair was always taken care of at Salons, where gay men and beautiful women parading around in trendy clothes replaced black guys with clippers in their hands ready to shape-up and cut anything that sits in the chair for 8 dollars. Please don't mistake what I'm saying as me being above anybody else, because that's not the point I'm trying to make(even though that is true as well). Point being, it wasn't until I started paying for my own haircuts that I recognized the difference in what spending a little money on your "H" can do for not only your head, but for your soul as well.

Take for instance this 20 dollar cut I got the other day in Livingston. The place had the look of an upgraded barber shop, with hot towels, straight edge shaves, and all the accoutrement to boot. But as I sat in the chair and made small talk with my new friend who has traveled all over the United States cutting hair, i realized his techniques were not what i needed. He asked what I wanted, and what I got was something that resembled the leftover hair on top of a "Troll Doll's" head after my 11 year old brother and I got after it with a pair of scissors. After he singed my face with a hot towel, tightened me up with a straight blade, and gobbed enough hair gel on me to make what happened look presentable, I paid and walked out. The hair cut was a complete failure...In fact, not one mirror I have checked has made the hay trimmings on top of my head look even remotely decent.

I knew at that moment that what I wanted was only 2 blocks up the street, and a mere 20 dollars more. Instead of holding out and getting what I knew was right, I settled for the bells and whistles of a head rub, and now I'm paying the ultimate price.... Bad "H." For the next few weeks, I'm going to stare in the mirror even more intently, begging for the shit on top my head to grow back as quickly as possible. I promised my hair that I would never let it down again, and that this would be the last time I took the cheap/easy way out. I've written several poems to my hair and have even played the guitar for it, begging it for forgiveness. The last time i checked (about 2.5 minutes ago), I was still in that awful "too short" phase, that will hopefully lead to the bliss of that one week where the hair blossoms into the perfect length, and the vision of what i told "Rodney" what I wanted will come to life...

Until that day comes... don't call or write

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

On Second Thought....


Euro Night was an absolute........ SUCCESS!!!! I changed my mind this afternoon after seeing the pictures posted on facebook (I have zero recollection of taking any of these photos), and let me tell you, we all look absolutely incredible. In fact, I would challenge anyone out there to find a better looking crew that roamed the streets of Hoboken a few short weeks ago. The new found success of Euro night has my gears-a-grinding as the thought of upcoming theme nights dance inside my mind. With that said, i apologize for the first post about the cancellation of Euro Night 2010, and now we here at TSGOT will be promoting the event more than ever. Stay Tuned



P.S. What the hell is Durkin doing in this picture...its fucking awesome!

Oy Vey!


Have you ever had one of those moments where something absolutely insane/stupid/embarrassing (whichever) you did years go randomly pops up into your mind? As I was making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast this afternoon, I remember something that I did in 7th grade that was so insanely stupid, it made me cringe when it resurfaced in my mind 14 years later. So without further ado...

I'm walkin through the halls of Roosevelt Middle School with my buddy Jerry (my old man called him Caligula), on our way to English class, taught by this fat teacher whose name has escaped me for some reason (subconsciously i've buried those years as deeply as possible). Before we walk into the class, i notice that ole boy isn't present. So, with a class full of twelve year old onlookers, I thought to myself "Wouldn't it be a great idea to run and dive across the teachers desk?!?" I remember my brains specifically telling me at that moment that this would be the greatest idea of all time. Without hesitation, I backed up as far as I could and sprinted toward this poor guys desk and dove head first, sending every piece of paper/material/matter off his desk, showering the entire room. When I landed on the ground I realized that this was probably the dumbest thing I had done in my life up to this point. I scrambled to my feet, and with the help of Caligula, gathered as much shit back on top of the desk as we could and made it as neat as possible. Believe it or not, ole boy never noticed that his lesson plans, and his other life's work, had been completely shit on by some ass-head 12 year old with undiagnosed attention issues. I never got in trouble for what I did, and I always wonder what the punishment would have been not only from the school, but more importantly from my father. The moral of the story... don't eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Call me Lee "The Situation/The Bidness" Rubin


That's right you fist pumping motherfuckers...you will call me by my new name or I'll be forced to break a Puma off in your ass!

Echem, on a serious note, tonight was the premier of the most anticipated show since the "Dallas" reunion... MTV's "Jersey Shorrree" Yeahhhhhh!!! This show couldn't have happened at a more perfect time as it coincides perfectly with our JERSEY SHORE NIGHT at Tommy's place... Yeahhhhhhh!!! You heard me people, Tommy's parents are out of town and we are throwing a fist pumping themed fiesta at his crib December 12th, located in the Guido Mecca of East Hanover. I've already had my fathers gold mezuzah melted down into an Italian horn for the festivities. TSGOT will keep ya posted on whats gonna be a fistastic good time.

A couple of notes: Tommy sorta knows about this (I'll clue him in later), I'm dead serious with this idea, and read this if you don't know what a mezuzah is... here ya go http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mezuzah

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Roy, Where Art Thou??


While Sports might seem like too generic a topic to discuss, I feel as if light should be shed upon the people we idolize...I'm not talking about their adulterous actions or other shinanigans they venture in off the field, I'm talking about what these people do on the field of play which makes them so captivating. Earlier today, Roy Jones Jr., the once most famous boxer in all the land, got his teeth pushed in by an unknown Australian journeyman by the name of Danny Green. It took Green only 1 round to destroy the former world champ (named Fighter of the 90's by Ring Magazine), and the loss will hopefully end the career of a man who is no longer the fighter I remember. Clearly you all are about to hit the X button on your browser to attend to much more important things, but before you go, please let me explain why this event had an impact on my day.

What is incredible about sports is how the avid fan can watch his favorite players grow up and mature in front of their eyes. While Roy's early days are a few years before my time, I remember his "hey day" vividly. My father was a boxing fan so I became one as well, and some of my earliest memories of boxing were Roy Jones dismantling opponents on HBO Boxing After Dark. Jones had a swag that is stuff of legend, often whooping opponents without even taking a punch. He was something of a modern day Muhammad Ali, with his quickness and movement unparalleled at all different weight classes. I became a fan of Roy and followed him over the years, always paying close attention to the way he dominated the canvas.

In 2003 that all changed however, as Antonio Tarver caught Roy Jones with a left hook he never saw. The punch floored Jones and truly marked the beginning of the end for one of boxing's greatest fighters. After the loss to Tarver, Jones won a rematch by decision (watched a Fitz's house) but he was never the same guy(Lost the 3rd). Ironically enough, even though Jones never regained his once dominant form, my fandome increased exponentially. I watched fight after fight always hoping for a glimpse of what used to be, and while there were times my prayers we're answered, all too often the result ended in Jones sprawled out on the canvas floor unaware of where he was (The 2004 Glen Johnson defeat being the worst). It was clear that Jones had lost his edge, and opponents were no longer scared of the man who once called himself the greatest fighter who ever lived. While his skills had diminished, his gift for gab remained the same.... and with a couple of defeats over unheralded challengers, it seemed as if Jones was in line for one more big money fight against "The Executioner" Bernard Hopkins. Jones, who had defeated Hopkins as an amateur years before, had once again peaked the interest of fans around the world, and the Hopkins fight would have been the perfect stage to show off his once unmatched talent. That fight will never happen, however, as the warm up fight for Hopkins against the once retired Danny Green proved to be a disastrous one... a fight that will inevitbly end the career of a once proud champion. In his post fight interview Green summed it up perfectly..."He's one of the greatest fighters of all time and the opportunity to fight him in Australia, thanks, Roy Jones Jr... I almost feel bad doing that (whoop Jones), that almost hurt me to do that to someone whom I aspire to look up to as a professional fighter inside and outside the ring. He's a bloody legend."

Jones' loss had a profound impact on my day as well, as it is always heartbreaking to watch someone you idolized as a kid fall so far from grace. We always ask ourselves what would have happened if a guy like Barry Sanders never quit? and I can tell you the answer... Emmett Smith. While there is often big bucks and even more endorsement money to be had at the end of a great career, I often wonder if they would give it all back to be as dominant as they once were??? I have a feeling that a guy like Roy Jones Jr. would give back the Ten Million Dollar purse he made for the one round against Danny Greene if it meant that his pride and legacy remained in tact. As sad as it may seem, Roy Jones Jr. fans around the world hope he takes the money and run, because we now know that the magic has come and gone.


Please Watch Videos Below

"Roy The Bad"

"Roy The Great"

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Ha, yeah... did ya check if our Shitters were full honey?

A Note From Fitzy Kid




While getting tanked with a bunch of his Irish buddies at a Bachelor Party, Fitzy had an ephiphany... and these are his words

The 5 Stages

I attended a Bachelor Party this weekend for one of my best friends from college. What ensued really made me think. I cannot describe to you in full detail what happened that night for two reasons. Number one, I am bound by the laws of man to never go into full detail of what happens at a bachelor party. Number two, I honestly don’t remember what happened most of the night. I think the way you judge whether a bachelor party was successful or not is by the severity of your hangover the next day. In this particular case it must have been a huge triumph because here I am 2 days later still not feeling normal. I remember waking up in a hotel room filled with guys who smelled like booze. There was a bloody t-shirt on the floor and a friend of mine was passed out in the bed next to me sporting a black eye. The groom was face down on the floor, fully clothed, with no pillow or blanket. I remember being shocked that I didn’t have a headache but realized that it’s only because I’m still a little drunk. It’s probably hard to believe but that is the exact moment that I realized that I was growing up. I knew I was growing up because I had completed the 5 stages. And that’s what I want to talk about. The 5 stages you go through as a guy when you find out that one of your best friends is getting married. As I thought about it more I realized that the stages are exactly the same as the 5 stages of grief you go through after someone dies. I mean that’s what a bachelor party is, isn’t it? It’s a funeral for your “single friend.” You celebrate his life as a single man right before he takes the plunge, because after he’s married your friendship will invariably change forever. So in order to cope you go through the 5 stages of Grief.

Stage 1: Denial

This is occurs right after your friend tells you that he’s getting married. The first response is usually “Get the F*ck outta here! Really?” You tell your friend congratulations and you tell yourself nothing is going to change. I can throw a party on a random weekend and my friend will be there, he wouldn’t miss it. Oh, you have your fiancĂ©’s nephew’s 3rd birthday party and you can’t go? It’s been on your calendar for 2 months? She would be furious if you blew it off? Her family is all expecting you to be there? No worries, you’ll be at the next one, I mean you only turn 3 once, right?

Stage 2: Anger

As time goes on you start to realize that every time you want to hang out with your friend it needs to be scheduled. The days of “What are you doing tonight?” are over. Welcome to the days of “What are you doing on December 17th?” You need to plan things weeks in advance, and that pisses you off. How the f*ck should I know what I’m doing December 17th, I don’t even know what I’m going to eat for lunch today.

Stage 3: Bargaining

At this point you start making deals with your friend in order to get him to hang out. You don’t have to come out for the entire night, just come to happy hour. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore. I’ll buy the first round, and I’ll drive you home. I’m well aware that after I get my friend to the bar, I will play the I’m too drunk to drive you home card, but deep down I know he’ll never show up.

Stage 4: Depression

You no longer have the energy for anger, and you’re not wasting your precious cell phone minutes on bargaining. You turn into a lazy friend. If he wants to hang out with me he can call me. When you reminisce with your friends and his name comes up you all get a little quiet like “wow, remember that guy?” You don’t make fun of him for not being around, you’re just sad that he’s not there.

Stage 5: Acceptance

This stage usually happens when you’re at the bachelor party (single friend funeral). You are having the time of your life; you actually get excited about the wedding. Should be fun! You remember what it was like hanging out with your single friend (dodging punches from drunk scumbags at the bar, avoiding projectile vomit like Neo evades speeding bullets) and you not only accept that those days are over, you are actually a little relieved. You know that the bond you have with your friend will never go away no matter what, you’re just growing up a bit.

So here I am a month away from the wedding, hoping that my hangover is gone by then, realizing that growing up is nothing like I thought it would be.

This message has been TSGOT approved, and I couldnt believe it either, but there really is an "Irish Drinking Songs" CD... fantastic

Monday, November 30, 2009

Your Daily Dennis Leary Fix



Just in case you forgot how great Dennis Leary was.... OKAYYYY

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Eh, I've had better


So Euro Night has come and gone. Some dressed up, others didnt...Some got it, others didn't...Some thought I looked like a sexual deviant, others agreed. All and all it was a sorta successful Saturday night as the crew rolled out of 307 and headed onto the streets of Ibiza(Hoboken). I'm gonna go ahead and cancel next years Euro fest, or at least delay it until all members of the clan get on board and do the proper research into traditional gay male European garb (This means doing more than googling "Euro clothes," Dick). The good news however, is that the "Mustache Party" I plan on throwing at Fitz's place (of course) is probably gonna be awesome. I'm already looking forward to it, and the thought of walking out of the apartment with a crew of mustache weilding men and women really gets me going. We'll keep you posted.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Another Thanksgiving Come and Gone


"Heyyy, you look great too!!!, and I see you got fake tits... thats awesome, congrats!!!"

That conversation happened at least 2 and a half million times Wednesday night as old aquaintences reunited and rehashed a history that hopefully had at least one memorable moment. Fortunately for me, I had a work and was unable to attend the festivities. Don't get me wrong, in the right state of mind the Wednesday night before Thanksgiving can be euphoric...getting hammered with dozens of people you grew up with and giving it one more try with that girl you always wanted to make out with Freshman year.
With that said, Thanksgiving has come and gone, and maybe next year my state of mind will make me want to attend the Thanksgiving pregame. As for this years turkey day, it was pretty standard... The turkey was undercooked, the mashed potatoes were on point, the dessert was purchased at a bakery, and the football was bad. All and all Thanksgiving was a success, as it allowed us all not to appreciate the things that we have, but instead it gave us all an excuse to overeat and be as lazy as humanly possible. For these reasons, Thanksgiving is my favorite day of the year....no offense to you Hanukkah.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

A Very Euro Saturday Night!!!


That's right folks, break out the tightest pair of dungarees ya got cause Saturday night is Euro Night!!! Why Euro Night, Lee??? I dunno, maybe cause its gonna be fucking awesome?!?
So don't say ya haven't been warned, and when Saturday night rolls around, don't say your unprepared, because my mustache is already trimmed and my vest is already laid out....WHOS COMIN WITH ME?!?!

Sunday, November 22, 2009

This weekend was all about Syracuse


Yeah we got drunk, yeah we all hung out, yeah we made out a little, yeah Saturday night was a standard great night...but it's what happened before Saturday night that made this weekend an unbelievable success. I not only had the pleasure of attending my first Syracuse basketball game of the year (An outstanding win against defending national champs UNC), but I watched as the SU football team laid a licking on Rutgers. I haven't felt unbridled joy quite like this since 1994, when for a split second the normally fuzzy Playboy channel turned high definition.

Heres a rundown of the very amazing, very "Orange" weekend...

I wasn't able to attend Thursday nights first round game against California, but ol' boy Phil was there soaking it all in. In his post game presser (a 4 line email to me) Phippis let it be known that he sorta fell in love with the chick who sung the National Anthem (phone calls have been made to her PR people), and that the trend of black people rocking "Fauxhawks" is dying out (unfortunately).

Madison Square Garden is probably my favorite place to watch a game, especially when Syracuse is beating the Shit out of UNC. I was pleasantly surprised by the amount of decent looking broads at the game (6.5-8), and I met a lovely girl on the train ride who was very knowledgeable in the "Arts of Cuse." We talked on end about her favorite teams of years passed, her love for Otto (Syracuse mascot), annnd her fiance....FUCK!

While at the game I also witnessed my first set of Syracuse lesbians. They were clearly excited about the win, and it just goes to show how "Orange" is transcending boundaries. I will post a picture at a later time

As if the weekend couldn't have gotten any more awesome, it did, when SU put a whoopin on Rutgers, Saturday morning. There's nothing better than watching your favorite football team beat the snot out of a bunch of juiced up fist pumpers dressed in Scarlet. "You fuck my wife?!?"

So there ya have it folks... a perfect 10 of a weekend. My highest hopes were fulfilled and we had a good Saturday night to boot. Next weekend has a lot to live up to, and we'll be sure to keep you updated. Oh, by the way, feast your eyes on the Empire State building decked out in Syracuse colors... not bed, eh?

A Date with DICK part DEUX


So dick went on his first blind date, and hopefully his last. In my opinion blind dates are red flags in life, and should be monitored very carefully. Anyhow, here are the highlights from the date per Dick...

- His Date had large Chesticles

- She loves the song "Sexy Bitch"

- She didn't put out

- Did he mention she had large bosoms? (cause he did 7 times in the post game email )

Overall it sounds like this date was a success, and we at TSGOT commend Gronske for putting himself out there. Lets just hope he never does it again, and if he does, we will recommend that he he hires a life coach.

Friday, November 20, 2009

A date with DICK


Ladies and gentleman, DICK is going on a blind date tonight! I haven't been this excited since my Bar Mitzvah. TSGOT is gonna have full coverage of the big night, plus a post game interview with Gronske himself. We wish you nothing but the best of luck big guy, and whatever you do, resist the urge to put the words "Butt," and "Sex" together in a sentence.

Good luck

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

My Brother the Lawyer...


My old man got a hankerin for a chocolate shake from Micky D's. He asked my brother to go hook it up...this is what ensued

David(11:38:12 AM): so check this out
David(11:38:15 AM): i roll up to McDonalds yesterday
Lee(11:38:26 AM): right
David(11:38:35 AM): i get to the first drive through sign and this soft sweet voice comes over and says please drive to the second board
Lee(11:38:44 AM): okay
David(11:39:00 AM): so i get to the second board and the voice comes on again and was like "would you like to try a McLatte with your value meal" and I was liek no i am fine. THEN BOOOM
David(11:39:06 AM): i was thrown the ole okie doke
David(11:39:24 AM): it was a fucking recording and some mean ass bitch comes on and was like Welcome to McDonalds what you want
David(11:39:27 AM): i was like oh shit
David(11:39:38 AM): so then i drive up to the second window to pay. adn this bitch was pissed off looking
David(11:39:53 AM): like i was like shit, thank god im only gtetting three milkshakes cause i wouldnt wanna ask her to exchange nothing.
David(11:40:07 AM): so the shakes come out, lids half off them. and i notice one was a vanilla.
David(11:40:39 AM): so i was like oh fuck this sucks i gotta ask this kimbo slice looking bitch for a chocolate. so i goes and passes it back over the window she goes and throws it into a trash can and was like we need a chocolote shake..
David(11:40:48 AM): i was like ok, let me get this shake and get the fuck out of here.. BUT NOOOO
David(11:41:39 AM): cant leave McDonalds without some other issue, three homeboys doing a dance routine right in front of the exit. it was like i was fucking trapped.
Lee(11:42:05 AM): HAHAHHAHA
David(11:42:08 AM): i started thinking about taking it over the grassy knoll between D&D and McD's but finally 5/0 rolled up and they busted out
David(11:42:49 AM): i drove home fucking in a daze, all i wanted was 3 fucking shakes
Lee(11:43:49 AM): awesome
Lee(11:43:52 AM): kimbo slice looking bitch hahah
David(11:46:00 AM): she looked like slice, she had the chops and the chin hairs.
Lee(11:46:10 AM): but she was at least 6'0 237 238

Big doins in the world of sports


Big, big, big week in the world of sports here at TSGOT. As many of you might know, this a is a pro Syracuse blog, and it is our civic duty to keep you abreast of all matters in Orange Nation. With that said, TSGOT is going to have its dials set Thursday through Saturday on both Cuse' basketball and football.
Thursday night the orange will open up the Coaches vs. Cancer tournament against the University of California at Madison Square Garden. I will not be in attendance for opening night, but TSGOT correspondant Phil " I have a secret lust for Asian Women" Criscione will give us a full report on the new look Orange, and more importantly the amount of cute Jewish looking broads wearing Syracuse T-shirts. The kid has a talent for both on the court and off the court talent. I will join Phippis Friday when Syracuse hopefully takes on UNC in round two of the tournament.
Although Syracuse basketball makes its NYC debut Thursday, I personally am looking forward to the football game Saturday against Buttgers. It makes me wanna puke that the Scarlet Knights are actually better than the Orange, and I would gleefully give Fitz's third nipple for a win.

Go Orange


(and no dan doesnt have a third nipple, just male and female genitalia)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Tis the Season for Beards


Just wanna let you crazy cats out there know that I plan on growing a beard. I've threatened to do crazy things before with my facial/head hair and I usually fall short... not because I didn't want to do it, but because in my house doing anything different with your "H" is punishable by death. I wanna see how long the beard lasts before I get the "facial hair, Jew speech" from my father who feels that having your hair too short on your head, or too long on your face is disrespectful and "not Jewish!!!" Its too bad for him that I got kicked out of Hebrew School, and pissing him off is probably my most favorite thing to do in the world. I'll keep you folks updated on "Beard Gate..." wish me luck.

P.S. The picture clearly illustrates that beards and Jews go together like Italians and um sleeveless T's (Don't wanna denigrate any TSGOT fans :)

Your Daily Laugh




I apologize for not posting as much as I would like. Maybe this will make you a little less angry at me, and a little more excited about life.

enjoy

The Great Debate


Its official motherfuckers!!! Haha, I love this freedom of speech shit. TSGOT is gonna have its first debate. The topic... What the hell are we doing for New Years???
Friends of TSGOT are gonna take sides and voice their opinion, debate style, in a quest to find the best new years plans for 2010. Stay tuned for more details, this is gonna be borderline awesome.

Monday, November 16, 2009

The New Years Dilemma (dun Dun DUNNNN)


Starting from now until Dec. 30th, 4,325,800 emails will be sent daily with the heading "New Years Eve." Today was my lucky day... At 1:05 PM the first of many "New Years Eve" emails found their way into my inbox.
My hat goes off to the person who sends the initial email. I know that if it was up to me, I would be scrounging around on Dec 28th trying to find some shit hole open bar in the city to pull an all nighter at. The "Initial" guy plants that little bug in the back of all of your minds, and just like your mother who reminds you of plans three months in advance (okay, maybe thats only me), he/she is only looking out for the betterment of you and the rest of your lazy ass friends.
Over the next few weeks TSGOT is going to analyze the best possible New Years options for a group of handsome, twenty something white men. Will the answer be our neighbors to the North in Montreal??? possibly... how about a hot spot like Miami??? also doable... How bout Egans??? (uhh no) What we do know is that the destination as of now is unkown, and over the next few weeks, TSGOT is gonna break it down and find the perfect New Years Getaway for 2010... get your Groggers ready, although I think that's only for Jewish holidays.

Cheers

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Your Daily Laugh... The Rubin Family Edition

Inside the Mind of a Mad Man


TSGOT's first interview with "Irish" Dan Fitzpatrick was a total success!! Fuck yeah!! Dan will be a weekly contributor to the blog... Unless the followers of the site thinks he's a shitty guest. Enjoy!

Lee: Letsss get readyyy to rummbllleee!!!
Fitz: I just ate some buffalo chicken quesadillas and now i'm drinking a glass of wine
Lee: your officially white trash
Fitz: it's the merging of two cultures
Lee: So I think most of our fan base knows that you pretty much work in hollywood, and i know that back and the day you used to sweat that chick from Dawsons creek
Fitz(8:13:19 PM): red necks drink red wine now
Fitz (8:13:30 PM): Joey Potter
Lee (8:13:34 PM): yeahh joey potter
Lee (8:13:56 PM): so i was kinda wondering what chick have you moved onto later in life??
Fitz (8:13:58 PM): Apparently I have the same taste in women as closeted Gay Hollywood super stars
Lee (8:14:06 PM): hahah
Fitz(8:14:27 PM): I'm really into Elisha Cuthbert
Fitz (8:14:39 PM): started when she was in the great show 24
Fitz (8:14:52 PM): then it really got hot and heavy when she did the movie The Girl Nextdoor
Fitz(8:14:56 PM): she played a pornstar
Fitz (8:15:03 PM): I identified with her character
Lee (8:15:26 PM): lol okay okay, so let me ask you a question... lets say your at a bar and you run into this chick who looks exactly like Aisha Cuthbert
Fitz (8:15:44 PM): is that the black version of Elisha Cuthbert?
Lee (8:15:58 PM): haha yeah, pay attention!
Fitz (8:16:24 PM): sorry
Lee (8:16:38 PM): and you go into full sarge mode, i mean, your a creep fest... andd for whatever reason she is digging herself some dan. Things escalate, she invites you back to her place (mind you this is all pre amanda)
Lee (8:17:20 PM): and as soon as you walk in the door, its on.
Lee (8:17:32 PM): hands and tongues, the whole shpeel
Lee (8:18:04 PM): mind you, Elisha look alike... And you head down south and reach down her drawers and you grab and handfull of hairy sweaty nuts
Lee (8:18:11 PM): hahaha
Lee(8:18:25 PM): what happens in the next 30 seconds??
Fitz (8:18:45 PM): well first I check to see if Aisha's nuts are bigger than mine
Lee(8:18:47 PM): I already know what i would do
Fitz (8:18:51 PM): from there I have 2 possible outcomes
Lee(8:19:01 PM): suck on some nuts... or
Fitz(8:19:07 PM): if Aisha has bigger balls I'm outta there with the quickness....i will not be shown up by no man lady
Fitz (8:19:36 PM): If my balls are bigger I then barade her/him/it with tiny ball jokes until he/she/it cries
Lee(8:19:51 PM): hahaha
Lee(8:20:03 PM): and then you snuff the bitch?
Fitz (8:20:20 PM): no...I then hire her for my next halloween party
Lee(8:20:52 PM): hahaha... For the people out there who dont know, you purchased an actual little person for this years halloween party
Lee(8:21:05 PM): were you happy with what you got for your money?
Lee(8:21:18 PM): i gotta be honest, i thought he was as little too miserable for my taste
Fitz (8:21:23 PM): I was happy...apparently some people weren't happy with his bartending skills

Lee(8:25:22 PM): so when i was thinking about what i was gonna ask you today and obviously the topic of amanda kept resurfacing in my mind
Lee(8:25:26 PM): I gotta admit man
Fitz(8:25:45 PM): what do you want to know about her?
Lee(8:25:59 PM): i hate how you and Amanduh are so god damn awesome together
Lee(8:26:05 PM): whats the secret??
Fitz (8:26:42 PM): it's not a secret at all...basically I put her down constantly so her self esteem is almost non existant so I look really good in her eyes
Fitz (8:26:56 PM): then when she's on the brink of a total break down I tell her how beautiful she is
Lee(8:27:05 PM): fuck, why havent i thought of this
Lee(8:27:06 PM): its genius
Lee(8:27:50 PM): do you think that if she knew you hooked up with two girls in one night freshman year things would be as good as they are now?
Fitz (8:28:11 PM): I think they would be better...it might open her mind to some really cool possibilities
Fitz (8:28:27 PM): by the way how bad did you wish you were me in that moment?
Lee(8:28:33 PM): they were my favorite girls in the world, I still hate you

Lee(8:30:53 PM): so theres a reason, and i think you know what it is... but there is a reason why i like you more than our other friend
Fitz (8:31:08 PM): back hair
Lee(8:31:19 PM): hahah, well that and...you're a jew
Fitz (8:31:29 PM): one of the chosen people
Fitz (8:31:36 PM): i'll play that card when I have to
Lee(8:31:45 PM): i know you do, you work the irish/jewish thing so well
Fitz (8:32:11 PM): thanks man
Lee(8:32:16 PM): but I'm wondering if there is anything i can do to help you choose "Jew" when that day comes
Lee(8:32:25 PM): I mean your in show biz
Lee(8:32:33 PM): you like tuna fish
Fitz (8:32:38 PM): I don't like tuna fish
Lee(8:32:42 PM): ah fuck it
Lee(8:32:44 PM): you cant be jewish
Fitz (8:32:47 PM): haha
Lee(8:32:53 PM): this whole piece just went to shit

Lee(8:35:54 PM): I dont think enough people know that you were in fact The President of Roosevelt Middle School
Fitz(8:36:04 PM): it was their own fault for begging me to run for president only 2 years removed from getting kicked out of student council for fighting George D
Lee(8:36:12 PM): and still to this day, probably the only President to be kicked out of office
Lee(8:36:19 PM): hahaha
Fitz(8:36:29 PM): If they only knew the half of it
Lee(8:36:32 PM): they should have done their research
Lee(8:36:41 PM): So how did getting impeached change your life?
Fitz (8:36:55 PM): it gave me a lot more street cred with the bad kids
Lee(8:37:01 PM): it really did
Lee(8:37:19 PM): when we got kicked off that class trip as a result, the brothers really embraced us ya know
Fitz(8:37:19 PM): other than that it really didn't effect my life that much....I didn't get to go on the 8th grade trip
Fitz(8:37:28 PM): they really did
Fitz (8:37:30 PM): it was amazing
Lee(8:37:45 PM): you walked around all day with that hair net on

Lee(8:38:15 PM): Lol, I have two more questions for you
Fitz(8:38:19 PM): shoot
Lee(8:38:22 PM): both very importnat
Lee(8:38:36 PM): Whats your favorite scene in Nothing But Trouble?
Fitz(8:38:56 PM): The scene in the junkyard with the fat guys in diapers farting
Lee(8:39:00 PM): hahaha
Lee(8:39:04 PM): great call
Lee(8:39:09 PM): and last but not least
Lee(8:39:34 PM): do you still think im a huge Pussy for not helping you out when you got jumped outside of the essex green movie theater Freshman year?
Lee(8:39:54 PM): and could you ever forgive me?? i cant lie, i'm waiting for the day you get jumped again so i can help out
Fitz (8:39:58 PM): wow...I haven't thought about that in a really long time
Fitz (8:40:48 PM): well I don't think I ever really held a grudge for that...That wasn't the worst I'd ever been jumped...just a punch to the back of my head
Fitz(8:40:52 PM): and it was over
Fitz(8:41:06 PM): I think we were 15
Fitz (8:41:12 PM): which means your body was about 8
Lee(8:41:26 PM): haha so your calling me a pussy when i was 15
Fitz (8:41:28 PM): so it wouldn't be morally right for an 8 year old to jump in a fight
Fitz (8:41:48 PM): I'm just saying that you developed a little later than everyong
Lee(8:42:07 PM): did you ever think that maybe if you didnt hook up wiht my favorite girls in the world I would have helped out?
Fitz (8:42:17 PM): yes
Fitz(8:42:20 PM): it was worth it

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Your Daily Laugh



I laugh out loud nearly every time i see this... "Women, I dont know what her problem is"

Programming note



Get your towels ready its about to go down! The man, the myth, the legend, THE FORMER PRESIDENT OF ROOSEVELT MIDDLE SCHOOL.........DDAAAANNNN FITZPATRRIICKKKK ( Or "Gelman" as we like to call him around these parts) joins TSGOT for a lil Q&A! Check back tomorrow for the exclusive interview.

Are "Self Help" books the Porn of our generation?


As soon as you walk past "that" section a chill shoots up your spine." Should i casually walk past it and check it out?" "Nah fuck it, people will look at me like i got serious issues."

Am I talking about Porn at Krauzers??? or the Self Help isle at Barnes and Noble??? The answer is obvious of course.... the self help section (If you think people think you have issues for looking at porn at Krauzers you're completely wrong... they're just jealous).

So this begs the question, Is buying a self help book a cry for help, or a journey for a better life? As the owner of a couple of "Self Helpers," I can honestly say that the majority of us screwed up folk are just looking for more out of life. The mind is a powerful thing and I believe we would all be foolish not to figure out ways to use it in its most effective form. Also, if you grew up with someone like my dad, it might be something you should look into as well.

Whats the point of this posting??? I have no idea. But if you were to have some spare time in your future it might not be a bad idea to fire up a little "Power of Now," or for you real freak shows, "The Secret." With that said, if any of you followers of TSGOT would like to make a trade... Porn Mags for Self Helpers, I'm down. Just don't get my pages stuck together.


Shalom

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Your daily laugh




I wouldn't watch this at work...Just a heads up

The Interview of a Lifetime....or not


It turns out interviewing Mark was nearly impossible...he must have Jedi Mind Tricked me or something cause I completely shat the bed on this one (I won't take all the blame, he was in a rush or something). Here are a few of the highlights from the most awkward interaction I've had with a person in the last seven years of my life...(In chronlogical order)

(Lee) - Fu*k dude i really should have thought about some shit to say
(Mark)- HAHAHAHA...wait are we on the interview now

and then...


(Mark) also i see 38 girls a day id make out with
(Lee) When i watch Celebrity Sex Rehab with Doctor Drew, I can totally envision you being on there

and finally....

(
Mark)
dude im leaving you for a shower...you need to put in work and prepare next time if you wanna be a ameture journalist/blogger
(Lee) your right, fu*k this interview


oh yeah... and that IS Frank Stallone

It's Official!!!


TSGOT (Its a soft T, pronounced TSGo, or TSGEAUX for our Haitian followers... or just "26," havent figured it out yet) HAS ITS FIRST SCHEDULED INTERVIEW!!!

We will be speaking with none other than Mark Spags in our inagural interview. Among topics to be discussed will be... How Mark survives living with his parents, his new status as a "city boy," and last but not least weekend Hoboken shinanigans.

Don't miss it!

The first post

I want to let you all know (all 4 of you) that I have big things planned for this blog... weekly updates, podcasts, the whole shmegegi. Until Twenty-six Going on Twelve gets to that point, I have no idea what the hell I'm going to be talking about.

I named the blog Twenty-six Going on Twelve for fairy obvious reasons. For twenty-six years I have woken up in the same house, in the same room, in the same bed. While most bedrooms go through several makeovers as their tennants get older, mine remains the exception. Boyhood trophies, clowns, posters of retired sports stars (okay fine, only Mike Piazza), and teddy bears litter my room creating what I like to call.... "The Nursery." It is in the Nursery that absolutely zero magic happens. My Old Man always asks me if I'm "Seeing anybody?" and often times I want to walk him up the steps and show him what the hell is going on in my room. With that said, I dont think the Play Festival that I sleep in is holding me back from doing the things I want to do in life (In fact I know its not). Instead, I see the nursery as a safe haven that has underlined a certain amount of laziness which marks my first 26 years of existance. Is it my parents fault? I'm sure it is, but thats up for debate at a later time, and I'm sure my lovely parents will be the subject of many topics that nobody will want to read.

And maybe that's what this blog will be about (this is a grammar free zone)... maybe it will be a blog about growing up and all the shit that goes along with it. Or maybe if that doesnt work, ill just talk about Syracuse football all day, whatever keeps the readers attention. As you can see from this first post, I plan on being very candid and open about my life, and I hope you guys can contribute and add your own flavor to this page. I'm doing this really to let the world listen in on my mind, and the mind's of my friends who I find to be fairly interesting people.

With that said, Twenty-six Going on Twelve is officially a blog, and a serious work in progress. I hope you people all get a kick out of whats going on inside my head, and help this blog become something somewhat awesome.


Mele Kalikimaka,

Lee



p.s. I'm aware that Mele Kalikimaka has nothing to do wit this, but I think its awesome