Thursday, November 12, 2009

Inside the Mind of a Mad Man

TSGOT's first interview with "Irish" Dan Fitzpatrick was a total success!! Fuck yeah!! Dan will be a weekly contributor to the blog... Unless the followers of the site thinks he's a shitty guest. Enjoy!

Lee: Letsss get readyyy to rummbllleee!!!
Fitz: I just ate some buffalo chicken quesadillas and now i'm drinking a glass of wine
Lee: your officially white trash
Fitz: it's the merging of two cultures
Lee: So I think most of our fan base knows that you pretty much work in hollywood, and i know that back and the day you used to sweat that chick from Dawsons creek
Fitz(8:13:19 PM): red necks drink red wine now
Fitz (8:13:30 PM): Joey Potter
Lee (8:13:34 PM): yeahh joey potter
Lee (8:13:56 PM): so i was kinda wondering what chick have you moved onto later in life??
Fitz (8:13:58 PM): Apparently I have the same taste in women as closeted Gay Hollywood super stars
Lee (8:14:06 PM): hahah
Fitz(8:14:27 PM): I'm really into Elisha Cuthbert
Fitz (8:14:39 PM): started when she was in the great show 24
Fitz (8:14:52 PM): then it really got hot and heavy when she did the movie The Girl Nextdoor
Fitz(8:14:56 PM): she played a pornstar
Fitz (8:15:03 PM): I identified with her character
Lee (8:15:26 PM): lol okay okay, so let me ask you a question... lets say your at a bar and you run into this chick who looks exactly like Aisha Cuthbert
Fitz (8:15:44 PM): is that the black version of Elisha Cuthbert?
Lee (8:15:58 PM): haha yeah, pay attention!
Fitz (8:16:24 PM): sorry
Lee (8:16:38 PM): and you go into full sarge mode, i mean, your a creep fest... andd for whatever reason she is digging herself some dan. Things escalate, she invites you back to her place (mind you this is all pre amanda)
Lee (8:17:20 PM): and as soon as you walk in the door, its on.
Lee (8:17:32 PM): hands and tongues, the whole shpeel
Lee (8:18:04 PM): mind you, Elisha look alike... And you head down south and reach down her drawers and you grab and handfull of hairy sweaty nuts
Lee (8:18:11 PM): hahaha
Lee(8:18:25 PM): what happens in the next 30 seconds??
Fitz (8:18:45 PM): well first I check to see if Aisha's nuts are bigger than mine
Lee(8:18:47 PM): I already know what i would do
Fitz (8:18:51 PM): from there I have 2 possible outcomes
Lee(8:19:01 PM): suck on some nuts... or
Fitz(8:19:07 PM): if Aisha has bigger balls I'm outta there with the quickness....i will not be shown up by no man lady
Fitz (8:19:36 PM): If my balls are bigger I then barade her/him/it with tiny ball jokes until he/she/it cries
Lee(8:19:51 PM): hahaha
Lee(8:20:03 PM): and then you snuff the bitch?
Fitz (8:20:20 PM): no...I then hire her for my next halloween party
Lee(8:20:52 PM): hahaha... For the people out there who dont know, you purchased an actual little person for this years halloween party
Lee(8:21:05 PM): were you happy with what you got for your money?
Lee(8:21:18 PM): i gotta be honest, i thought he was as little too miserable for my taste
Fitz (8:21:23 PM): I was happy...apparently some people weren't happy with his bartending skills

Lee(8:25:22 PM): so when i was thinking about what i was gonna ask you today and obviously the topic of amanda kept resurfacing in my mind
Lee(8:25:26 PM): I gotta admit man
Fitz(8:25:45 PM): what do you want to know about her?
Lee(8:25:59 PM): i hate how you and Amanduh are so god damn awesome together
Lee(8:26:05 PM): whats the secret??
Fitz (8:26:42 PM): it's not a secret at all...basically I put her down constantly so her self esteem is almost non existant so I look really good in her eyes
Fitz (8:26:56 PM): then when she's on the brink of a total break down I tell her how beautiful she is
Lee(8:27:05 PM): fuck, why havent i thought of this
Lee(8:27:06 PM): its genius
Lee(8:27:50 PM): do you think that if she knew you hooked up with two girls in one night freshman year things would be as good as they are now?
Fitz (8:28:11 PM): I think they would be might open her mind to some really cool possibilities
Fitz (8:28:27 PM): by the way how bad did you wish you were me in that moment?
Lee(8:28:33 PM): they were my favorite girls in the world, I still hate you

Lee(8:30:53 PM): so theres a reason, and i think you know what it is... but there is a reason why i like you more than our other friend
Fitz (8:31:08 PM): back hair
Lee(8:31:19 PM): hahah, well that're a jew
Fitz (8:31:29 PM): one of the chosen people
Fitz (8:31:36 PM): i'll play that card when I have to
Lee(8:31:45 PM): i know you do, you work the irish/jewish thing so well
Fitz (8:32:11 PM): thanks man
Lee(8:32:16 PM): but I'm wondering if there is anything i can do to help you choose "Jew" when that day comes
Lee(8:32:25 PM): I mean your in show biz
Lee(8:32:33 PM): you like tuna fish
Fitz (8:32:38 PM): I don't like tuna fish
Lee(8:32:42 PM): ah fuck it
Lee(8:32:44 PM): you cant be jewish
Fitz (8:32:47 PM): haha
Lee(8:32:53 PM): this whole piece just went to shit

Lee(8:35:54 PM): I dont think enough people know that you were in fact The President of Roosevelt Middle School
Fitz(8:36:04 PM): it was their own fault for begging me to run for president only 2 years removed from getting kicked out of student council for fighting George D
Lee(8:36:12 PM): and still to this day, probably the only President to be kicked out of office
Lee(8:36:19 PM): hahaha
Fitz(8:36:29 PM): If they only knew the half of it
Lee(8:36:32 PM): they should have done their research
Lee(8:36:41 PM): So how did getting impeached change your life?
Fitz (8:36:55 PM): it gave me a lot more street cred with the bad kids
Lee(8:37:01 PM): it really did
Lee(8:37:19 PM): when we got kicked off that class trip as a result, the brothers really embraced us ya know
Fitz(8:37:19 PM): other than that it really didn't effect my life that much....I didn't get to go on the 8th grade trip
Fitz(8:37:28 PM): they really did
Fitz (8:37:30 PM): it was amazing
Lee(8:37:45 PM): you walked around all day with that hair net on

Lee(8:38:15 PM): Lol, I have two more questions for you
Fitz(8:38:19 PM): shoot
Lee(8:38:22 PM): both very importnat
Lee(8:38:36 PM): Whats your favorite scene in Nothing But Trouble?
Fitz(8:38:56 PM): The scene in the junkyard with the fat guys in diapers farting
Lee(8:39:00 PM): hahaha
Lee(8:39:04 PM): great call
Lee(8:39:09 PM): and last but not least
Lee(8:39:34 PM): do you still think im a huge Pussy for not helping you out when you got jumped outside of the essex green movie theater Freshman year?
Lee(8:39:54 PM): and could you ever forgive me?? i cant lie, i'm waiting for the day you get jumped again so i can help out
Fitz (8:39:58 PM): wow...I haven't thought about that in a really long time
Fitz (8:40:48 PM): well I don't think I ever really held a grudge for that...That wasn't the worst I'd ever been jumped...just a punch to the back of my head
Fitz(8:40:52 PM): and it was over
Fitz(8:41:06 PM): I think we were 15
Fitz (8:41:12 PM): which means your body was about 8
Lee(8:41:26 PM): haha so your calling me a pussy when i was 15
Fitz (8:41:28 PM): so it wouldn't be morally right for an 8 year old to jump in a fight
Fitz (8:41:48 PM): I'm just saying that you developed a little later than everyong
Lee(8:42:07 PM): did you ever think that maybe if you didnt hook up wiht my favorite girls in the world I would have helped out?
Fitz (8:42:17 PM): yes
Fitz(8:42:20 PM): it was worth it

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